I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
