Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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