I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
