im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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