Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
