and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
