Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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