You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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