Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
