do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
