My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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