So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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