i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
