Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
