I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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