i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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