Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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