it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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