I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
