tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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