I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
