It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
