either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
