I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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