I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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