this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
