he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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