I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize