wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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