last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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