just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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