I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
