We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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