Define "chronic" masturbator.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
