tell your sister to shave her snatch
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
