Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry about my life...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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