When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
