the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
