I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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