I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
