Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
