dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
