I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
