I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
