I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
