im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
