If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
