I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
