we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
