My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
