Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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