I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize