Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
