dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
