Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
