Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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