I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
