This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
