I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
