One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're like the curious george of whores
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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