the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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