I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
