please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
