I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
