Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
