i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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