yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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