I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
