I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
